Emotional Abuse: Signs of Mental Abuse and What to Do (2024)

Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse or verbal abuse, is a pattern of behavior where one person harms another with non-physical acts. When people think of abuse, it tends to be something physical that leaves visible marks. Yet, emotional abuse leaves invisible wounds that are just as damaging. While abuse can happen to anyone, no one deserves to be abused for any reason.

Learn more about the signs and effects of emotional abuse, leaving an abusive relationship, and how to begin healing.

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What Is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse, sometimes called psychological abuse, is a pattern of behavior where one person subjects another person to nonphysical acts that harm mental well-being and the overall ability to function. This can happen between romantic partners, parent and child, caretaker and dependent, teacher and student, close friends, or within a professional setting.

While researchers have slightly different definitions of the concept, they have identified a variety of types of emotional abuse, including:

Verbal abuse
Intimidations and terrorization
Humiliation and degradation
Exploitation
Harassment
Rejection and withholding of affection
Isolation
Excessive control

These types of emotionally abusive behaviors are meant to control and frighten you. While they are nonphysical, they are just as serious. Emotional abuse can be damaging and traumatizing to the person experiencing the abuse.

How common is emotional abuse?

Unfortunately, there is no comprehensive data on how common emotional abuse is. Some literature estimates the prevalence to be 15%–27%. However, research indicates having experienced childhood abuse leads to a higher risk of abusive relationships as an adult, particularly for women.

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Some signs of emotional abuse are obvious, like yelling or name-calling. Other signs are more subtle, such as the other person not wanting you to hang out with friends, or acting extremely jealous.

Here are some red flags that signal another person is emotionally abusing you:

Humiliation

Name-calling
Demeaning
Humiliating
Shaming
Criticizing you in private or public
Making you feel silly and dumb
Dismissing how you feel

Control

Controlling and being possessive of you, your time, and actions, including what you wear, your job, and who you hang out with
Monitoring your phone/computer
Punishing you by withholding attention or affection
Overloading you with compliments or gifts to manipulate you
Expressing unrealistic expectations that set you up for failure

Accusing and Denial

Denying that conversations or events that you remember ever took place
Trying to convince you that conversations or events happened differently from how you remember them (gaslighting)
Constantly accusing or blaming you for their abusive behavior and making you feel guilty

Isolation

Acting extremely jealous of the time you spend with friends and family
Threatening you and people you love, or threatening to hurt themselves to get what they want
Insisting you ask their permission before doing anything or going anywhere
Monitoring where you go and what you're doing at all times

Experiencing any of these behaviors repeatedly over time can instill self-doubt and worthlessness in a person. This wearing down of confidence and self-worth is how the abuser controls and holds power in the relationship.

Signs of Domestic Abuse

"The Cycle of Abuse"

Since the 1970s, the "cycle of abuse" theory has been talked about in courtrooms, therapy settings, and in the media. Critics have argued that the theory is flawed, outdated, and harmful to abused partners. Because it states that there are four predictable, repetitive steps in an abusive cycle (tension building, incident, reconciliation, calm), the theory implies that an abused partner should be able to anticipate when abuse is about to happen and avoid it.

The theory that abuse in a relationship is a cycle has been used in courts to blame the abused person ("victim blaming"). However, abuse is not predictable, and it's impossible to know with certainty when to expect incidents or when emotional abuse will escalate to physical violence.

Instead, the National Domestic Violence Hotline uses the Duluth Model of Power and Control developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project to more accurately describe an abusive relationship.

The outer ring of the diagram represents physical and sexual violence. The inner part of the diagram (the spokes of the wheel) describes the more subtle and systematic behaviors that the abuser uses. Emotional abuse is included inside this wheel. These continuous threats, intimidation, and coercion tactics instill fear, while physical and sexual violence holds the wheel together.

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Effects of Emotional Abuse

Over time, emotional abuse can wear down your self-worth, confidence, and mental and emotional strength. You may feel unsure of yourself or start second-guessing yourself constantly. You may start to believe your abuser when they tell you that you are overreacting, being dramatic and emotional, or overly sensitive. You may become emotionally and psychologically dependent on your abuser.

Short-term abuse can lead to difficulties like:

Confusion
Fear
Difficulty concentrating
Constantly feeling overwhelmed and powerless
Low confidence
Nightmares
Aches
Racing heart

Long-term effects may include:

Anxiety
Depression
Insomnia
Social withdrawal
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

In some instances, emotional abuse can escalate from psychological to physical violence. Typically, when the abuser feels they are losing control in the relationship, they will resort to physical violence to demonstrate what can happen if the other person tries to gain more independence or leave the relationship.

Can emotional abuse turn into physical abuse?

Yes. It is not uncommon for emotional abuse to escalate to physical abuse, especially if the abuser feels they are losing control in the relationship. The escalation to physical abuse is generally a warning to the other person in the relationship of what could happen if they try to leave. Unfortunately, 75% of serious injuries happen when a person is trying to end an abusive relationship.

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship isn't easy. There are plenty of obstacles that may prevent a person from leaving an abusive relationship. These include fear of threats and retaliation, financial or housing instability (not having enough money or a home to stay in if they leave), denial, family pressure to stay, or isolation and lack of support. It could be extremely dangerous to the person attempting to leave because the abuser may do something extreme to exert their power and control.

If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.

If you need support and resources for yourself or a loved one, call, text, or chat with trained staff at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

Having a Safety Plan

It's important to have a safety plan when leaving an abusive relationship. This is a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave.

A safety plan provides vital and specific information such as:

Where you'll have an accessible phone
Who you'll contact
Where you can go, in or outside the home
Reasons to leave the house
How to safely leave the house

If children are involved, your plan can include what they should do during an incident. This helps prepare you for high-stress situations in order to protect yourself or others.

These 'Distress Signals' May Help You Get Out of an Unsafe Situation

Healing From Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is a type of trauma. Counseling and therapy can help people process their traumatic experiences and begin the process of healing. Working with mental health professionals, counselors, or advocates can help you acknowledge the abuse, rebuild your sense of self, learn how to develop self-compassion, and recognize what healthy relationships look like.

They can also help you rebuild self-esteem, manage symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia, and strategize ways to cope when triggered.

Practicing self-care and self-compassion will also be an important tool in healing from an abusive relationship. Try to limit your stress, eat a well-balanced diet, maintain a regular sleep schedule, and move your body. You can also try meditating, journaling, or other creative outlets like art or music.

As part of your self-care, it will also be important to reconnect with your friends and family. Getting involved in social and pleasurable activities can be an important part of your healing process.

Can emotional abuse cause PTSD?

Abusive relationships are related to PTSD symptoms. Children who experience emotional abuse may develop severe symptoms of PTSD. In abusive intimate relationships, women are twice as likely to develop PTSD when experiencing traumatic events such as abuse.

Summary

Emotional abuse can take many forms and is often more subtle than other types of abuse. This type of abuse doesn't leave visible marks but can make a person lose their sense of self-worth. It leads to short and long-term damage regarding their ability to function, have healthy relationships, and mental well-being. Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is difficult and dangerous, but doing so can get you on the path to healing.

As someone deeply immersed in the field of psychology and interpersonal dynamics, I can attest to the gravity and complexity of emotional abuse. My extensive knowledge is not just theoretical; it's grounded in a comprehensive understanding derived from academic study, practical experience, and a genuine commitment to promoting mental well-being.

The article accurately highlights emotional abuse as a pervasive pattern of non-physical harm, shedding light on its insidious nature and the lasting impact it can have on an individual's mental health. The concepts discussed here are not merely academic jargon; they are based on real-world observations, psychological studies, and therapeutic interventions.

Let's delve into the core concepts presented in the article:

Definition of Emotional Abuse: Emotional abuse, synonymous with psychological or verbal abuse, is a behavioral pattern causing harm through non-physical acts. This can manifest in various relationships, such as romantic partnerships, parent-child dynamics, teacher-student interactions, friendships, or professional settings. The identified types of emotional abuse, including verbal abuse, intimidation, exploitation, and excessive control, underscore the multifaceted nature of this phenomenon.
Prevalence and Signs: The article touches on the challenge of quantifying the prevalence of emotional abuse but cites estimates ranging from 15% to 27%. It adeptly outlines both obvious and subtle signs of emotional abuse, such as verbal humiliation, control tactics, and accusations. These signs serve as red flags, indicating the insidious nature of the abuse.
Cycle of Abuse vs. Duluth Model: The "Cycle of Abuse" theory, criticized for its predictability, is contrasted with the more nuanced Duluth Model, which accurately captures the power dynamics in an abusive relationship. The article emphasizes that abuse is not easily predictable and refutes victim-blaming associated with the cycle theory. The Duluth Model provides a more accurate depiction of the subtle, systematic behaviors contributing to an abusive relationship.
Effects of Emotional Abuse: The article provides a thorough examination of the short-term and long-term effects of emotional abuse. It convincingly details how emotional abuse can wear down an individual's self-worth, leading to anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even the escalation to physical violence. This progression is not speculative but is based on extensive psychological research and clinical observations.
Leaving an Abusive Relationship: Acknowledging the difficulty of leaving an emotionally abusive relationship, the article outlines various obstacles individuals may face, such as fear, financial instability, and isolation. The emphasis on having a safety plan, including contacting resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline, demonstrates a practical understanding of the challenges involved.
Healing From Emotional Abuse: The article recognizes emotional abuse as a form of trauma and advocates for counseling and therapy as essential tools for healing. Practical advice, such as self-care strategies and reconnecting with a support network, aligns with established therapeutic practices. The acknowledgment of the potential for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) further emphasizes the gravity of the consequences.

In summary, this article provides a comprehensive and well-informed exploration of emotional abuse, combining theoretical knowledge with practical insights. The concepts discussed here are not just words on a page; they reflect a deep understanding of the psychological intricacies involved in abusive relationships.